This example refers to the Western Digital MyBook Premium 400GB External Hard Drive, but these steps can be applied to any expensive, highly-important piece of electronic equipment.
Step One: Have the cooling fan begin to make horrible, unnatural grinding sounds. This can be accomplished simply by using the drive in a normal, everyday manner. If the fan continues to function normally after two months of use, check that you have not, in fact, inadvertently purchased a grandfather clock or a small, wooden stool.
Step Two: In order to remedy what is surely a simple case of misaligned parts, or a piece of foreign debris, apply firm external “repair force” to the top and sides of the plastic casing, using the palm of your hand or, in severe circumstances, a balled up fist. Once the fan noise stops, discontinue repair and enjoy your now silent cooling fan for a period ranging anywhere from one to 15 minutes, at which point you can expect the noise to begin again–this time more vigorously, and with more inherent spite. Repeat for a period of at least two weeks.
Step Three: Decide that incessant screeching noises–not dissimilar to the death throes of an asthmatic howler monkey–are not conducive to enjoying the robust, full-bodied day you were promised by your coffee earlier.
Step Four: In a fit of annoyance and temporary insanity, attempt to gain access to the fan inside. An instructional video is available for this step entitled “Cast Away,” starring Tom Hanks. In the film, Mr. Hanks demonstrates a similar procedure involving a coconut.
Step Five: Once you have removed the outer casing (having ignored several instances of the sound of cracking plastic), you will see the cooling fan. You will also notice that the fan is connected to a very intimidating-looking circuit board, and that the connection is, of course, inaccessibly tucked in amongst what are obviously very, very important (and very easily bent) thingers and doohickeys that poke out in all directions from the board.
Step Six: Begin removing a series of very tiny, very losable screws, thereby releasing the circuit board, the hard drive, and a vital-looking metal brace of some sort–all of which will cascade out onto the table in no discernible pattern. You should now be able to unplug the cooling fan connector from the circuit board.
Step Seven: Having succeeded, instead, in tearing the wires from the connector, leaving the connector firmly attached to the circuit board, you have now, technically, removed the fan! With any luck, that connector won’t short circuit, and hopefully the entire drive won’t overheat without the fan!
Congratulations! You have just toyed around, willy-nilly, with sensitive, expensive electronic circuitry, and have created a potential fire hazard! Enjoy your newly quiet hard drive!
