Polished Scrawl

Tomorrow begins my first full week of self-employment. I am currently sitting at my trusty drafting table, typing on my “new” (as of August of last year) Tablet PC… old meets new, and all that jazz. I’ve cleared a good majority of the debris off the desk and moved the internet connection over, in an attempt to create some sort of “office” for myself. It is a good full 1/3 of my entire living room. I live in a space classified in some circles as a “cubicle.”

At any rate, it’s cool to have my office in my home. Now I just need to get my home moved, which I hope to be doing in the very near future. Things still look good for me getting some kind of a retainer from Ever Elusive. But I can’t help but have that lingering doubt in the back of my mind that says “What if you don’t?” I guess I’m just being a little paranoid because things seem to be going a little too well lately, and I am reminded all too well of past experience, when things that seemed to good to be true… actually were. I’m hoping and praying that this whole endeavour isn’t one of those.

Don’t get me wrong though… by far, this is the best I’ve felt in a long time. And that little voice of doubt isn’t really all that loud… but he does have a tendency for biting every once in a while. I’m just excited about the idea of moving back home. I want it all to happen now, dangit! Now that I’ve actually made the leap, I guess I’m expecting immediate results. Honestly, though, I really only see it being another couple months, if things go according to plan.

Oh, in case anyone’s wondering, here’s the link to The Ever Elusive Productions web site, which I just got done with the other day: http://www.everelusive.biz. This company is a big part of the “plan” that things are hopefully going to go according to.

GAH… ants in my pants dance!

Okay, so I don’t actually feel like recounting the entire story of how I quit my job. Suffice it to say, it was not the greatest experience ever, and I’m pretty sure they think I was lying when I told them I didn’t have a choice but to quit without giving a two week notice. Truth is, when all is said and done, I did have a choice, and I chose to quit. I chose to jump on an opportunity that presented itself without warning. I chose to finally move on with my life.

And, yeah, I am sorry that I had to leave them in a lurch… but when you really think about it, two weeks wouldn’t have made one bit of difference. There’s no earthly way they would have been able to find another designer who would be willing to work in the same environment, for the same salary that I had been for a year and a half… be it right now, or two weeks from now.

They are in a pickle, to be sure, but it’s a pickle of their own design. For my part, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to give them two week’s notice, but I am not sorry for leaving. And I think that’s the real reason they’re upset with me: because I left. Because I didn’t choose to stay and be part of the team and continue to be miserable. One question that I knew would be asked, but that I was hoping wouldn’t be was: “Wouldn’t you rather bring your freelance projects into the company?” It was asked. And I knew what my answer would be, and that it wouldn’t be looked upon kindly. But that didn’t change my response.

And so, that chapter ends somewhat unfortunately. I feel sad that it seems that they are unable to separate business from friendship, that they continue to view anyone who doesn’t conform exactly to their plans as an outsider. I have been weighing the options of whether I should try and salvage some kind of friendship with them out of this. Right now, I’m still not sure. I’m not sure if there is even a real friendship to maintain. If there was, I don’t think this would have gone as poorly.

At any rate, I’m done dwelling on it. Officially. As of right now. I’m finally doing what I’ve wanted to do for years, and there’s no room for petty drama here.

So, here’s something: I quit my job today. And it went rather poorly, I thought!… so… yay for me! I wasn’t necessarily expecting great joy from the whole thing, but I wasn’t really expecting the reaction I got, either… not nearly as “civil” or “understanding” as I might have hoped. The up-side is that I am now officially a freelance designer. I’m too wiped out and zoned and numbed-up right now to go into details… ask me on another day. Or, I’ll most likely write about it tomorrow.

Guh… I sleep now.